Today is my Birthday. No need to sing. I’m not fond of that song anyway.
I wanted to share why today is the most excellent of birthdays. You see, I have been on a Naziesque diet of sorts at the behest of my lovely wife. She insisted that I join her on a diet that we both started on Superbowl Sunday Feb. 1st. The diet consists of mostly tasteless food in small quantities eaten throughout the day. Not very much fun for sure.
However, over these last 8 weeks or so I’ve managed to drop over 40 pounds. I’m just a few pounds over what I was when my wife and I met. While it has been hell suffering through dry tasteless chicken, bland veggies and sodium free diet pop, I guess the results can’t be denied.
Today though is my birthday. And it marks the end of my 100% faithful dieting. No cheating, no bending of the rules. Just pure 100% willpower. I asked for no gifts today. I asked only that today I be able to eat whatever I want, and in whatever quantity I want.
It has been a glorious day.
The day is not even half over and I’ve managed to eat some oatmeal and egg-white omelet (was still officially on the diet until 10am), 4 krispy kreme doughnuts (2 glazed and 2 creme filled chocolate covered), a foot long Chicken Pizziola sub from Subway, two deep fried burritos from Carls Junior and a can of God’s nectar (Diet Dr. Pepper). Oh, and can’t forget the cheddar kettle potato chips I had for desert. Not bad for a morning.
Since I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night I decided to lay down for an afternoon nap. As I was dozing off to sleep, I distinctly heard my heart crying out for rescue. I just laughed and laughed as I imagined it drowning in vats of cholesterol, saturated fats and sugar. Sorry sap of a heart anyway. What has it ever done for me?
I’m feeling much better now and awaiting the party tonight where we top of the festivities with a selection of my favorite things… namely Pizza, Hot Dogs, Popcorn, Jalapeño Poppers, Doritos, Wine (special delivery from the Pahrump Winery) and of course my favorite… ice cream and cake!
If I’m still alive tomorrow, I’ll fill you in on the tally of food intake and what that accounted for in number of pounds gained. I then resume my diet for another month until I go to New York on business where I get to binge for a whole week.
If my heart ends up giving out, rest assured that there will be a smile on my face.